My experience with death of near one and its aftereffects.

Its not that I have not experienced death before, yes have seen many deaths, but was never responsible for acts and deeds for the ritual to be done, to bid a final goodbye to the departed soul. In case of my mother in law’s death I was by default entrusted with all acts post the death to bid a final goodbye. I was a novice for that purpose, did not have a background, no doubt it was expected so had enough rounds of advice from many good-hearted souls in advance. But it was first experience right, and all the advice that I had got, and what happens in the family is quite different. Each family has their respective norms to follow, and we were no different. If you choose to read further down, you are reading it with open mind and not negative or corrective comments further down please. If you think this will help you read further down or just press the cross button on the utmost right hand corner to close this page.

My mother in law passed away in early July, generally its always the mother-in-law who trains the ‘bahu’ (Daughter in law). So, for me it was entering into an unknown territory. I googled a lot but could not find a satisfactory process to follow for my type of family. Considering my experience, I thought many will go through the same dilemma. Let me put down my experience in text form so that some unknown may benefit out of it.

To the family members for the rituals to be followed upon death of the near ones.

This is basically for Gujarati family who is a Hindu, Bania, Vaishnav and Pushti Marg follower. If you fall into any of the above category you can follow this. I think its cast neutral. But you always check with your family what rituals to be followed.

Basically, before hurrying up to announce the death sit together and line up everything. It just takes couple of minutes on social media to announce the death. So don’t worry about announcement.

  1. plan for death certificate, you will need last medical records and Aadhar card of the deceased and the person who is applying for the death certificate, a copy is needed.
  2. Check the date as per Hindu calendar, time, and further details about the importance of that day as per Hindu religion and check with priest/bramhan if anything specific rituals to be done.
  3. Plan about the departure time. Be mindful with time, be realistic, people create lots of confusion with time.
  4. Please take your own decision don’t let someone else take decisions for you. Be the captain of your own battle, don’t let too many captains around you. Touch wood my family was in charge of things and we did not allow many captains advising us what to do.
  5. Plan about calling the last rites service provider (there are many samaj offers this facility with a cost, a best way to bid a final good-bye), tell them about the cast and the rituals to be done so that they carry things accordingly. Please remember they do carry very limited sandal wood garland so arrange that separately. (There are few who don’t carry things for final rites so call for only that service provider who carries it, and ask them how much it will cost. Better to be aware about it) Fresh flower garland and shawls also to be arranged. No one carries with them; the family only needs to provide. (For new generation its sounds strange, but it’s a trend in all our families and nothing much will change till we choose to change. No doubt we did not, because I don’t think you can give respect by harassing the grieving family)
  6. Dress the deceased within couple of hours of death when the body is still warm. Ideally you need a fresh set of clothes for the final journey of the departed soul. If you don’t have any option, a good set of clothes from the cupboard is also ok. For practical reason don’t bath the body, just wipe it clean with warm towel. It’s, a ritual where you are bidding a final goodbye and we do a send-off very elegantly. Post cooling down it’s a challenge to dress the body. Tie the big toes with thread so that body does not become out of shape and retains it dignity.
  7. Put silver and gold very tiny piece (it’s just cost Rs.100/- you can buy them in advance, generally all elders do and keep their final day ‘potli’ (final journey clothes) ready in their cupboard, if they don’t then this will help you) in the mouth along with charnamrut (its typically for the Pushti Marg follower, which is considered very auspicious) and 25 paise coin. Fill cotton in ear, nose and mouth so that body does not bloat. Keep some iron items may be a hammer next to the body so it doesn’t bloat. Keep one knife next to the body, it’s the ritual earlier used for cutting the jute threads with which the body is tied with ‘nanami’ (the final bed on which dead body is kept made up of bamboos).
  8. ‘bahu’ of the house of common lineage needs to do a ‘chowk’ (difficult to explain but area earmarked for putting the dead body in the house) which is of ‘mati’ (soil) from tulsi (indian basil) pot or ‘kali mati’ (black soil) of the river or pond bed. Remember ‘chowk’ should be done in one direction from north to south, never backwards or sideways. No need for cow dung. Put one ‘mati na kodiya ma divo’ (earthern pot which is used in the temple for prayer) for to be taken down with the body, it needs to be in a ‘tapeli (deep pan) with chalni (strainer)’ on it. It needs to be lit till the body is in the house. Put ‘Edu di cologne’ on the body. Put dhoop or agarbati (incense stick) near the body till the body is there in the house.
  9. We put gangajal/yamunajal (water of holy river the Ganga / Yamuna) in the mouth before bidding final goodbye from the house. One drop each by immediate family members.
  10. Make 4 ladoos (round balls) (make a dough of chokha no lot + jaggary + ghee) (rice flour + jaggary + clear butter), one to be kept between legs, one between two arm pits, one next to the shoulder when body is put on the ‘nanami’. Or just keep the ladoos next to the body under the cover that is put on the body. (again there will be many captains advising you whether wheat flour or rice flour, use what is available with you in the house)
  11. ‘doni’ (proper earthen pot used to fill water but smaller in size) can be taken by the person who is going to lit the pyre or grandkids (grandson/granddaughter), it’s the fire that taken from home to lit the pyre. The person who holds ‘doni’ should never look back.
  12. Before taking the body out from the house, son / daughter will call out for the last time in the deceased ears by the name they have been addressing the deceased.
  13. We recite Gita Chapter 15 and ‘hai nath jodi hath paye’ (each religion has their own prayer, this prayer is in gujarati) prayers which is available on You tube and google.
  14. When you take the body for the final journey ensure that you don’t step on the ‘chowk’ and secondly ensure that we speak loudly ‘hey ram’ while taking it down.
  15. Head directions while putting the body is different in the house it must be in north, but when you put it down for ‘nanami’ it’s in different direction, and when you put it down before final rites its different. It changes speak to someone.
  16. Please send someone with all the original papers (death certificate, Aadhar card of deceased and the person who applied for it) for reservation in crematorium. If there is a queue, you will know in advance.
  17. Before taking the body on ‘Hers’ put 4 coconut ‘srifal’ (coconut) at four places on the ‘nanami’.
  18. When body is being taken, ‘bahu’ of the family puts the divo lit next to the body near the gate of the house with vessel don’t take that back.
  19. One coconut ‘vadheray’ (break the coconut on the floor) before entering the crematorium.
  20. One at the time of final pyre and two goes with the body.
  21. Somebody at the crematorium will guide you for final things so nothing to worry. Ashes of the deceased check when will it be available and immerse them in the water. Don’t take it back home. We always keep ashes outside of the house. We never keep it in the house. And when one goes for ashes immersion someone must accompany him/her never go alone. Customarily it’s not safe to go alone.
  22. At home, send everyone home by saying ‘JSK’ at the ground floor.
  23. ‘bahu’ of the family / common family lineage will clean up the chowk only in one direction first then anyone can clean it up.
  24. Once you are intimated about ‘agnidah’ (lit the pyre), ‘bahu’ should have a bath first then others can follow suit.
  25. Please remember to have tea/coffee and adequate water even if body is around. Don’t feel guilty, if we can’t sustain our selves how can we do justice to the other living beings and near and dear ones. No doubt departed soul has gone that was destiny and you are surviving is also a fact of life. Don’t be harsh on yourself. Ignore the people they are not going to run your house.
  26. Please draft out suitable obituary. Obituary to mention parents name, parents in laws name, spouse, kids, and grandkids, cast name, age, brothers and sisters of husband. No address. No extra information is carried out by Guajarati newspapers so don’t add on it even if your elders suggest. If ‘utamana’ or prayer meet is planned mention those details with date, time, and venue.
  27. There are enough options available for doing things post death. There are enough versions with each person available. Use your own judgement what you feel right. Remember everyone is right in their own space.
  28. People recite ‘garuda puran’(Garud Puran) post death, that is the ultimate document as per our scripture for death.
  29. You may opt for it or ask ‘maharaj’ (priest) to do it on your behalf.
  30. On 10th day ‘pind dan’ (its procedure as per Hindu tradition) is done by Son or the person who has lit the pyre. But in mother’s case its preferably son that’s what I have understood. How realistic I don’t know.
  31. Its arguable thing whether we should do all post death kriyas on separate days or one day or club 10th and 11th together and 12th and 13th together.
  32. On 11th day its havan (yagna), where we invite ‘Vishnu bhagwan’ (Lord Narayan) at home and do all rituals. If my logical mind is working than it tells me it’s like indirect way of coming back to life after the mourning period. But that was of past and people are stuck on certain customary thing just the way they are stuck with menstruation. People need to evolve out of it and be with time. Rituals are not wrong but if done with open mind set it makes a difference.
  33. It’s said 13th day ceremony is done at home, and you invite many people for food. There are enough things and difference of opinion on this account. Again, do what best you think is right.
  34. Only 11th day is an elaborate process. Now a days ‘maharaj’ gets everything and bear minimum things are required from home. Check with him and instruct him adequately. Don’t commit before having all clarity. Everyone will take you for a ride including your relatives so confide into the right person.
  35. On 10th day we need to make ‘ghav na lot no shiro’ (sweet made of Wheat flour, jaggary and ghee) and ‘golpapdi’ (sweet made of Wheat flour, jaggary and ghee) as prasad and we offer it to crow post all rituals. (all recipes are available on internet)
  36. On 11th day its ‘dudhpak’ (sweet made up of milk, rice, sugar) for prasad and offer it to crow too
  37. On 12th day its ‘golpapdi’ and ‘dudhpak’ for prasad and offer it to crow.
  38. Remember all days you need to immerse the ‘pind’ in the well or sea. Don’t do it in river or pond because people use it for drinking water.
  39. All flowers and other things don’t put it in water put it in wet waste. Don’t contaminate the water.
  40. On 13th day someone or the other will advise to give things away to everyone. We did it because we never send anyone empty handed from our house as per our belief system and not for any other reason. There is no custom you choose to do it. Here important thing is ‘vevai’ (daughter in law or son in law’s parents) of the house needs to give something as token to the person who did the kriya and pind dan as ‘paghdi na’ finish that custom. We had distributed a book and ‘japmala’ with ‘gowmukhi’ in the memory of the departed soul. From maternal side of the departed soul they had to 13 ‘gornis’ in the household. Again you take a call whom to identify, it should be ideally within family lineage, but unfortunately the ‘fois’ will make you do everything to them. Do keep a check on these customs. Don’t get carried away too much. Be mindful.
  41. 16th day is the last day of the ‘sutak’ empty the ‘matloo’ let it dry up overnight and then fill the ‘matloo’ after having bath on 17th morning.
  42. Post 17th day you can wind up the last kriya for the departed soul is called ‘varsi’ sooner the better, so you are done with. Again, it’s a debatable point by ‘maharaj’ or just with few members of the family we get over with it. Whether to distribute something post ‘varsi’, trust me it’s quite annoying and debatable. Here only requirement is of 5 people of the common family members have a proper food together. ‘Brahaman’ gets the ‘sidhu’ on account of ‘varsi’. We did proper puja of ‘varsi’ whether required or not required as I mentioned again and again is debatable.
  43. I have hosted all the lunches on 13th and for ‘varsi’ because I don’t mind hosting people over food. It’s a good thing to get connected with your own people and I enjoy hosting people. Its again individualistic approach.
  44. For all your kriyas you need to know your family lineage. Last three generations name and ‘gotra’.

Prayer

While studying for Yoga Philosophy at Mumbai University some few years back had come across a story on Prayer. Today while following one of the Yams and Niyams of Ashtang Practice, cleanliness (Sauch) came across my study material, and found an interesting article, ‘Why should we pray even if we can’t understand a single word of our prayers?’ Today’s post is borrowed post, but its worth sharing it on the platform, never know who will benefit out of it.

An old Farmer lived on a farm in the mountains with his young grandson. Each morning Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table chanting from his prayer book.

His grandson wanted to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every way he could.

One day the grandson asked, “Grandpa! I try to read the Holy book just like you, but I don’t understand it. What good does ‘reading’ the Prayer Book do?”

The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied, “Take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a basket of water .”

Coal to remain predominant fuel in India's energy basket - DTNext.in
a basket with coal

The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back to the house.

The grandpa laughed and said, “You’ll have to move a little faster next time,” and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. Every time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he went to get a bucket instead.

The old man said, “I don’t want a bucket of water, I want a basket of water. You’re just not trying hard enough, try again.”

the boy again dipped the basket into river and ran hard, but when he reached his grandpa the basket was again empty.

Out of breath, he said, “See Grandpa, it’s useless!” Grandpa said, “So you think its useless? Look at your basket!” It had been transformed from a dirty old coal basket and was now clean, inside out.

“Son, that’s what happens when you chant your Mantra/Prayers” You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, you will be changed, inside and out.

Basket Willow Tree Info - How To Grow Basket Willows For Basket Weaving

A clean Basket.

It is story which was narrated to us during the session, source or writer is not known. May be a borrowed piece. Credit of this story goes to original writer. Edited version is reproduced here.

My Story …

My friends are happy that I have evolved after I took a sabbatical from the work. No doubt, I have evolved, at times they also call me – I am crazy that I had let go my fulfilling working life. But motherhood taught me of just ‘Letting it Go’.

In all honesty, I did regret when I quit – my really happening working life, way back in 2011, there was a vacuum. Nothing that I was aiming at or closing it, or cracking it, was wondering – is this what I am looking forward to?

Academically an accomplished Company Secretary, Masters in Law, holding Diploma in Business Finance, I thought I had enough to be a high-profile Woman executive who wished to be a Director at one point in time.

After having a good 15+ years of run in the corporate world of bringing my dreams into reality, I felt that I need to be with my angels. But by the time, reality touched me, I was getting mentally and emotionally disturbed, not used to of such life, since completed graduation. I was feeling lonely, not wanted etc…

But somehow, got connected with ‘the Yoga Institute, Santacruz’ and it opened up new windows for me. Days and months passed by, and enjoyed every thing that I was doing it at the class. With every passing day, I felt the urge to pass on what I was enjoying and which helped me come out of the dullness, and turbulence. That lead me to becoming a Trainer myself. Ultimately it materialsed, started getting more and more exposure in different versions / variations from Conventional Yoga from different sources.

Since last couple of years, was working as a freelancer, going to client to client, but realized that what I was looking for was the same old time favourite of mine – a corporate world. Luckily came across Dr Deepak Patel who had more experience in this field and had similar thinking like mine, sharing same professional approach, more balanced, having strong background and ‘Wellness Programme’ materialised.

In 2019, got an opportunity – to work for Corporate World again but not as a Company Secretary, but as a Therapist, believing in my own self, not limiting my knowledge within limited audience started my journey of bringing ‘Wellness Programme’, for Corporate World and at individual level ‘Sohum Studio’ which launched ‘Wellness Programme’.

Lived in the industry, day in and day out – I understand the deadline/peer pressure, long work hours, stress, anxiety and its ripple effects – physically, mentally and emotionally.

After being a learner, I definitely can say that yoga not only leaves a positive impact on the body, but it also positively transforms our perspective towards life situations. With that in my mind now, my goal is to bring this awareness and help my students/clients to incorporate the yoga principles in their life for their well-being and cultivate happiness in all situations. I continue to be part of my little world with only one realization that nothing changed over all these years, except my perspective and every breath reminds me that all is well, and keeping me grounded.

In gratitude, Hetal

Surya Namaskar

Today there was a debate in the School’s What’s app group, about Kids not handling the COVID 19 scenario very well. Their mental, physical and emotional strength is quite vulnerable.

Yes, as a parent I do agree that this lockdown has caused more anxiety, pressure, emotional turbulence… Its not limited to kids, its across all age groups and genders.

At the same time, how I have handled my two teenagers, with 100% support from my better half, it is worth sharing. If it helps one and all, I will be more than happy.

We insisted on they doing cycling early morning when there is very very less movements and in our locality, where we know its safe. Everyday to do at least 13 Suryanamaskar for their overall flexibility.

Why we insisted on Suryanamaskar is – any kind of exercise or yoga can help reduce period-related problems and puberty passes through relatively in a much better way, elevate your mood and increase blood circulation.

*Surya Namaskar is especially important for teenagers and children nearing puberty as Surya Namaskar is the one exercise that works directly on our glands – thyroid, adrenals, pituitary. From optimum metabolism, pain-free period to healthy levels of Vitamin D, the practice will ensure that the glands work at their best.

Since I m Yoga Therapist and Practitioner too, and both my kids were doing under my guidance I could take them directly to 13 and continued with them in multiples of 13. But those who are just the novice or intending to start I recommend –

# Choose a fixed place at home, preferably a well ventilated one.

# Fix a time to do it daily – Sunrise or sunset are good times or you can even fix your time as pre-breakfast or post-bath, whatever works best.

# Breathe normally and take your time to learn the correct posture. Do not rush.

# One on right, one on left together make one round.

**** Special instructions to follow when your kids have never done Surya Namaskar – Start with 2 rounds – Then add 1 round to the practice every alternate week – or write back to me for any clarification or guidance. ***

Children can start the practice of Asana and Surya Namaskar from the age of 7. Five Surya Namaskar every day is a good number. It can be done in the morning or evening around sunset.

LET GO….If You Want To Age Gracefully

Very true.
We have never been taught, never seen, never heard about it. And that’s the only reason that we all suffer.
Just learn that art of Let Go… And rest all will follow. A peace of mind, no rejected or dejected feelings, no one can hurt or spoil the mood and the list continues.

Dr.Tarul Wadikhaye Jadhav's avatarAging Gracefully

Hardly few days and you will be stepping into a new year 2020, and we all will be a year older than last year. How well are you aging ? Aging gracefully is what one wishes, with a good health. Along with it we aspire for productive living where you feel your presence is worth, as you too can contribute to the society. But with the rise in so many cases of mental illness and non communicable diseases at a very early age, having a graceful aging despite the best health care facility seems bleak.

You have been growing in every way you take. This year does that mean anything different? Or it very much the same. The same new protocols of parties, promises, resolution which somewhere down the line don’t matter. Why? Coz they never resonated with you. Not that I am against partying, no.. Not that I am…

View original post 1,572 more words

Again on duties

Do your duty, do not bother about results. Do not think of people’s imperfections at personal or Government levels. When complaining, we are not carrying out our duties and wanting others to do their duties. This can ruin us. People who are constantly criticizing others and the ways of the world, are not solving anything. They do not get anywhere. We at that point are not carrying out our duty.

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